SOME REAL STUFF

I am going to share some real-life drama stuff today here on the blog. As you know, I have two children, Grey and Lily.  Normally, cherub faced angels that fulfill our lives as much as a Hallmark movie would portray. And then there are days like today. Days that leave me crying while hiding in the bathroom on the toilet days.

It started declining pretty much as soon as I opened my eyes. My son (who is almost 8 and is a highly-functioning autistic) is standing in front of me in tears crying because he got banned from his favorite online game for using a less-than-child-like word that he picked up at the end of the school year when another little boy shared it with everyone. My tactic with things like this is to down play it so as not to make it seem more interesting to him by making a big deal of things. Apparently, this is a word I should of dwelled on the fact that is a B.A.D. word. So, after dealing with the fallout of this (punishing him by taking away his computer privileges for two days), I get further bombarded with hearing him screaming in his room, “I HATE MOM!!” Ok. So, this adds insult to injury. I confess, I didn’t know how to handle it, much less what to say. This is something I hear other parents deal with, not us. In my naivety, I never thought it would EVER be something we would be facing, much less having to deal with. So, I cried. I stood there and cried. With “normal” kids, they see a parent doing this, they deal with the issue in the moment, and more often than not, kids get over things quickly. Not my son. Not in his little mind. He sees me cry (or any emotion, really), and it sets off a tail-spin of fits, stemming, and o.c.d. behaviors in him. Its almost more than I can bear on a good day, much less a day that was already hard.

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He is such a high-functioning, that most everyone do not see what he is enduring trying his best to “fit-in” or be “on” as I call it. It drains him. I am still trying to determine if our putting him in public school was the right choice. On one hand, I knew he learned best from a small amount of peer pressure. But as he has just finished first grade, it is already becoming a little more than “a small amount” of peer pressure. Yes, most of the children treat him wonderfully, he rarely gets made fun of, but what is changing is the fact that he is aware of the difference and the patronizing. It seems an impossible choice most days. We just pray. Pray over him, pray for him, pray ahead of him, and behind him. And we try to go with the flow the best we can, and most days, we get through just fine. Then there are days like today that end in tears: mine, his, sissy’s, dads. Tears and feelings of failure and frustration. Did we do the right thing? Did we address it the best we could? Did he understand what we were saying? Should I have talked to him more than I did? Less? Days like this are ones that I truly wish came with a manual.

1 Comment

  1. As I read your blog, my heart breaks for you and your family. Of course, I do not pretend to know what you go through on a daily basis, but I love all of you so much and pray daily for you. I do know that God is there with you every moment and all you have to do is ask Him to handle your needs. Stay in His word and give Him your problems and leave them with Him. He will answer you in His timing. Continue praying for His will to be done in your lives and for Him to give you and *** wisdom in making the right decisions.
    copied Prayer: “Dear Faithful One, Thank you for showing me that You never waste a tear or a trial. You promise to work all things for my (our) good. Thank You that nothing is impossible for You! I know You delight when we believe You for miracles. You spoke the world into existence. You are the Almighty Creator, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. You hold the whole world in Your hands. You orchestrate every detail of my (our) life. Lord, today I need Your supernatural power, I am trusting You to act on my behalf. Amen. Jen Barrick “Lord, do something that only You can do!”
    Please know that I am here for you anytime you need to talk or just to cry. God sent you into our family because He knew we needed each other. You have been a blessing to me over and over. God will always take care of you and your family, providing for your needs every second of your life and all you need to do is give everything to Him, leave it with Him and believe He will bring you through each trial and tribulation. Keep your faith in Him and never let it falter. Rebuke satan at all times that he tries to sneak into your lives and tries to steal your joy, health and happiness, etc.
    Remember that the Holy Spirit lives in us and helps us to know what God wants for us (In John 14, for example, Jesus says the Holy Spirit will comfort us when we’re hurting. “I will not leave you as orphans,” Jesus says (14:18), promising that the Spirit will bring us peace (14:27).) —Romans 8:34 Jesus sits at the right side of the Lord and intercedes in prayer on our behalf.

    God Loves All of You and So Do We!
    Love, Judy

    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

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